More Ramblings

Struggling to write an essay at the moment. I’m having trouble concentrating and finding the motivation. My mental health has been crumbling around me lately. I feel crazy and unstable. I try to look to the future, and it is bleak. Will life ever really improve? I find most aspects of society to be disgusting and I watch everything that I love about this world be ground up and thrown away. Real life is hazy and maddening and I can’t seem to will myself out of the fog. I’m never entirely sure of what is happening or what has already happened. I’m always guessing, never really trusting the things that come out of my own mouth. We are just all pretending we’re a normal, whole person when we aren’t and it is getting more and more difficult with each passing day. God, don’t I sound like a whiny 15-year-old. Maybe part of me is. I don’t know. There’s all these voices crowding my head and some of them say one thing and the others say another. Am I real? I’m not even sure who I am half the time. Much more than half the time, really. I can barely remember today or yesterday or this past week. Months blur together and when I finally get a glimpse of clarity, it’s just a random puzzle piece that doesn’t match any of the other pieces I’ve collected. Is it the same for the others?

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