It’s strange how sometimes things work out in a completely different way than expected. It’s as if every time I think my life has settled and I can relax and enjoy myself, something comes out of nowhere to knock me right on my ass. At this point, I’ve pretty much grown used to this cycle of contenment and stress. I kind of just go with whatever happens. It’s like getting caught in a riptide: you can’t swim against the current, you have to follow it and deal with where it takes you, whether that’s way down the beach or being rescued from drowning.
I have never really liked myself. I do a lot of things that I know aren’t exactly ethical or morally upright, and I do feel a bit of guilt but not as much as I probably should. Maybe all these curve balls are the result of bad karma. Who knows? But I know I can deal with whatever comes at me, especially after the shit I’ve been through.
Arrrgh I just have so many thoughts racing through my head and I’m not the most articulate of people.